‘Depression means feeling of severe sadness or in normal circumstances it would mean a thought, that would move around and around in your head and you could not do anything to stop or overcome it.’ This could be the actual meaning, she concluded after about an hour of her research.
She was not doing this research because she felt depressed or in other words crazy but because she was reading a book whose plot revolved around depression. Actually, she was reading two books with this themes. She was so much surprised to find that people had such type of depressions that those topics we might have not even heard or thought of before.
Turtles all the Way Down by John Green focused on a type a depression where the character’s thinking process arrived due to extra thinking and smartness. Google is the major source of depression as nowadays people have a habit of searching their doubts on google and believing the stuff published there which ultimately made the character believe that she could get infected by bacteria anywhere. This could be a small thought for some people but for the character it was a gyre of thoughts. She was so obsessed with this thought that she could not touch anything because of the fear of getting some infected bacteria.
Its Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini portrays a character who wants to kill himself because he got admission in a very talented high school where a person has to study a lot, but now that he got the admission he could not cope up with it and that fear turns into depression. He has to get admitted in a psychiatric ward in order to get help to make him believe that he is worthy of everything and there is no harm in lacking behind sometime.
These topics were unusual and she had never thought of these things and then looking into her past she could list out about 10 topics in which she could think that she was in depression. She could remember her fight with n number of people where after the fight when she was back to her normal life she would get a tornado of thoughts stating her that she could have said this or that, the planning for regular life that her mind did everyday, the thoughts that she had to do something for herself, etc etc.
These were the regular thoughts that she has on a daily basis and she did not mind these thoughts much, so then how can she know what type of thoughts would lead her to depression. She can relate her reading to depression in the past events of her life but for current events she cannot.
Maybe depression is a vague idea then. The idea where people want something but they cannot have it or cannot let it go or in which people are stubborn. The regular treatment is to talk to a psychologist which would mean that this particular person would round you up in your own thoughts and would force you to believe those things by yourself. But again a thought crosses her mind, is it so hard to accept somethings or are people too stubborn even it hurts themselves mentally? Is it not important to believe in yourself and live your life to the fullest no matter how hard it is? She had been brought up with confidence and warmth of people around her so may be for her this was a myth.