No, I cannot do that!! The instructor has gone nuts!! Who would let go of the boat in the middle of the sea? I knew I had signed up for this but no, now I cannot do it. But, they don’t leave you so easily. With dejection, I did let go of the side of the boat and it felt like my life was about to end with the increasing distance between me and the boat.
Yes, I know I am exaggerating but for someone who is scared of water even in the pool, scuba diving was way too much! I felt challenged when I was signing up but later, at this stage, I felt like its hard for me. The waves made it even harder by dancing around and splashing salty water at me. All I can see around me was the prolonged sea that shared no promise of ever ending. It felt like there was no hope of survival in this dreadful sea. Yesterday, in the pool, I felt the same way even when it was not so deep. There too, I was not able to let go of the float. Even if you are in a depth that supports your height, you would feel force of the water. The water has so much pressure that it can make you move and you lose control over your body.
I felt more miserable because I could not control my movements and the waves made my body move abruptly. My feet could not touch the land and my hands cannot hold on to something for support. The sense of losing control made me nauseated and it made it harder for me to breathe through the mouthpiece. The artificial liquid oxygen was yak!! I cannot afford to lose control but I convinced myself to try one last time and the instructor told me to ‘Let It Go’.
The words hit me hard. I went to the pool yesterday so that I can get used to water and it would somehow help me in diving. I was not able to move in the pool without a float and I assumed that I would get something to hold in the sea. The sense of support helped me in signing up for diving and to reach this stage. However, I did have a plan B and letting it go was the only option for me.
So, with a heavy heart, I went down and when the pressure increased, I followed all the instructions given in the training. I was surprised to see so much crowd in the sea. No, not people, the crowd was of aquatic animals and plants. They were roaming around as if they own the place and they did not give a damn about who visits them. I think I was rewarded with this aquatic beauty when I decided to let it go. I learned that you cannot achieve beautiful results when you have control but only when you set yourself free. The freedom was not for the body but for the soul and thoughts that clung to the body by creating an illusion of safety. Safety is abstract and sometimes taking risks can help in getting freedom and mesmerizing results. After coming back, I did feel foolish of being so scared. I hope with these thoughts I would be able to learn swimming soon.