Allie: Have you recovered? It has been so long since I have seen you? How are you and how do you feel?
Bella: Can’t you be less direct? People have been asking me this question every day and every minute and I wasn’t expecting the same from you. You know what, I do not want to answer it or what if I say that I am not fine?
Allie: Being not fine is okay and you are definitely allowed to say it.
Bella: But do you know how people panic when I say that I am not fine? They act as if it’s their mistake and they have to make things okay for me. They look at me with sympathy and I do not want that.
Allie: But that is the basic nature of people and what is wrong in trying to make things okay for you or cheer you up?
Bella: Cheering up is different and trying to build an unnatural world around me where everything is okay is different. I do not want to live in that fantasy land so that I can forget my sorrows and my grief. I want to live in the present and feel the grief.
Allie: And that is not how the world works, right? You are supposed to come out of the grief and your dear ones would try to make you feel better. They can adopt different methods which might suit your taste but that is what they have been taught. What you would have done if the places were exchanged?
Bella: Well, I will say up till that day I was doing the same thing. I was the same crowd of people who are approaching me today. I was the person who had helped my dear ones to recover from the shock and grief, but today, I loathe that method.
Allie: Fine then. Let us assume that you have learned something from your experience and now you want something different. But what about those people who have never been through it, how will you explain your feelings to them?
Bella: That’s the point. I do not want to explain anything to anybody because I do not want them to get involved. I just want to stay alone, be in my misery and live in the grief. It is upsetting, shocking, devastating and the comforting words of the people are poking me like needles. I do not want to share my grief by spending time with their unnatural world. I want to make them all go away and cry alone in a corner. Is it wrong to want and demand that? If I say this then people would cling to me even more.
Allie: That is because they love you and they do not want to lose you the way they lost the person who was so close to you. You know the grief will not give you relief, it will taste good at the point where you want to get lost in the thoughts of your loved ones. Eventually, the grief will make you believe that the present is unreal and you will get lost in the world which will be more unnatural than the one that others are trying to build for you. Do you want to do that to yourself?
Bella: No, of course I do not want to live in the past but just this one time, for a few days, can I not let the grief lead me through those beautiful memories?
Allie: You can be in the grief for the memories but how would you know when it’s time to leave it behind and move forward? Someone will have to remind you that you have to come out of it and focus on the future. That someone is not predefined, so everybody tries in their own way to push you out from the misery even before its time to do that.
Bella: How would I know that it’s time to come out of it? Who will help me when I myself do not want to get help? It is tough and you would not know that because you have never lost a person who is very close to you.
Allie: You will not know the time for closure but then that is why everybody is here to support you. They know that you do not want their help right now still they are trying really hard for you. I have never lost a loved one before and the intensity of your pain is intangible for me. But I know for sure that I do not want to lose you in something that is so painful and hurting you so much. Be in the grief for as long as you want but all are going to try to show you the unnatural world that could be your future. You can take your time but the poking needles are imperative as they will not let you drown in your own misery. The reason being that we all do not want to lose you.
Bella (Smiling): When you put it that way, it makes sense. I don’t know what to say to that. I guess let me be me for a few days and eventually your words will pull me out of it someday.
Allie: At least I have convinced you to open an option of the unnatural world. I think my constant nagging will kick the misery out of you someday.
Both started laughing and maybe it was time for the new beginning of the unnatural world.